A Lot Can Happen In A Year

Well shit, it's been over a year since I last blogged.

At the present, I am a graduate student at the University of Mississippi (Ole Miss) studying Higher Education/Student Personnel. I don't have a job and have been unemployed for two months. Had to quit my job as a barista at The Giddy Goat...I miss it terribly. I live with two guys from Mississippi and one from France. Still single, but looking and finding...just need to commit. I had my first experience with weed two nights ago, though don't remember feeling the effects...was drunk.

Think that pretty much sums up where I'm at. Will have to be more present here.

Lovelorn Pt. 2

Well, I'm back. Now what?

After deciding upon and then addressing my five options to be less than sufficient I've decided to keep on the same path as I currently am.

December will be the end of the year and also the end of my undergraduate career; however, I will enroll in a class to maintain student status in the Spring. Attend the Oshkosh Placement Exchange (Student Affairs Career Fair up in Oshkosh, WI) late February/early March in the hopes for a start at a successful career. Leave Rolla late May/early June with a job and graduate school in the wind, and then the rest will be history.

My staying in Rolla is for a number of reasons:

To start, I am the Director for the Performing and Diversity Arts Committee of the Student Union Board. This position is a year-long position and when I was hired the Board knew I was planning to leave in December; however, I know what it's like to come into a position without having the proper training and in handling the already established acts and performances set the semester prior...it's no fun. About time the position had some stability also.

Secondly, my fraternity; Delta Lambda Phi, will be having its Regional Conference on the Missouri S&T campus in the coming Spring. With our current numbership it'll be quite hard to execute a successful conference. The more Brothers, the more likely success will happen.

Thirdly, in my current living arrangement I've signed a lease that grants me living quarters up until May. As I've no guarantee of either employment nor housing after December, staying until May makes the most sense to me.

All of this currently updates to the present, or at the very least, mostly updates to the present. This string of posts is titled "Lovelorn". (A little tidbit; I looked up what was meant by the word...some mght call it a definition.)

It means - unhappy in love; suffering from unrequited love.

You see, I've only ever been in three relationships. Each one lasting: 2 months, 1 month, and 4 months respectively. My last relationship I was hesitant to go into as I was planning on graduating a year from the start of it.

I don't like beginning something with the knowledge that months after beginning a relationship, that very relationship may just be over. But at the same time, as my current room-mate could attest to, I don't like leaving things unfinished. So, it can stand to reason that once I begin a relationship, then it must be ended to be complete.

This is a bit unsettling to me. Seems that I'll need to change my way of thinking.

One thing that I can say, is it's not for a lack of trying. I'm definitely interested in people; however, as I adopt more of a "more talk, less action" stand-point. This though gets me in a bit of trouble if I'm around the wrong crowd when I'm so vocal.

Just can't win.


Wow, football can be a bit homoerotic.

Pakh out

Lovelorn

Greetings and salutations,

Today I find myself sitting by my window observing the gentle sway of the leaves in the breeze. There's a ticking from the ceiling fan and it reminds me of a metronome. The smell of water on the wind enters through the window screen and I'm moved by the scent.

Today I find myself.

So often recently have I posited what's to be my future. In May I was given an award meant to commemorate all of my involvement, care, and legacy within the Residence Halls. Yesterday when a dear friend of mine came to visit I found myself admitting something never spoken before.

My future as I hope it turns out will find me once again within the Residence Halls. I want to impact and impart. I want to lead, and I want to do my best to "benefit" the future of the world by adding perspective and asking those hard to answer questions. Maybe this is because I've found my niche or perhaps it's just a selfish way for me to get my viewpoint instilled in others. Or then maybe this is because I want to help broaden my own perspective and adapt with culture, society, and time... Even then, perhaps it's a mixture of the three.

In May I was awarded the National Distinguished Service Award. It felt great. I stood up, still a bit in awe, started walking down the stairs, hoping that I'd not fall in front of the entirety of NACURH. I felt on top of the world. Afterward I carries my trophies to the room loaned to me for the duration of the conference; in the back corner of some random hall, right next door to the women's restroom...and I was alone.

Just goes to show, you can pour your heart and soul in doing what you love and then reach the pinnacle of recognition; but then in the end find yourself alone next to the women's restroom.

This summer, as lame as it was, prompted me to think ever so more about my future. None of my class are still around, and if they are...they're in graduate school. I'm the lone duck in a crowd of ducklings.

In my thinking I decided upon 5 options for after graduation in December:

1. Apply for an ACUHO-I internship (housing professionals internship)
2. Apply for a Disney internship through the College Program
3. Apply for graduate school for the semester until beginning a career after OPE in March
4. Apply to be a mid-year hire for some program unfortunate enough to loose a Resident Director
5. Be a bum (for a semester)

Addressing (2) I applied and was rejected.
Addressing (1) After failing at (2) decided that I didn't need anything else to add to my already two-page resume.
Addressing (3) I want to go to grad school for free and that won't happen until I have a graduate assistant position.
Addressing (4) I'm the SUB Director for Performing and Diversity Arts and have picked up work that was done previous to me...it's challenging. Can only imagine what it'd be like to pick up work left by a former Resident Director...not to mention the lack of training I'd be able to receive.
Addressing (5) Ha...not sure I can sanely be a bum.

....Been asked to "wrap this mood up and get going"...will come back after STL.

Pakh out

Beginning of the End

Well, it's been some time since I've written anything. Let's see...this summer was kind of a lame summer for me. Wanted to travel and explore the US. Went to Arizona...that was fun. But then stayed in Rolla where I worked and adjusted to apartment living. Think I'm finally to a point where it's ok. Every now and then I have a residual interest in being back in the halls, but at this point...I'm finally finished with the Rolla Res. Life program.

Umm, school started and so far I'm doing alright. Keeping on top of the material for the most part. Nothing turned in late or undone. Recently I was turned down by the Disney corporation...my personality doesn't match what they're looking for. Kind of ok with that.

Delta Lambda Phi has had a successful Rush event with more to come. Actually surprised that we had Rushees for our first event, and I've got some pretty cool tie-dyed shirts. Student Union Board has become my new Res. Life. Going to the office several times a week and keeping busy with hiring acts and preparing paperwork. First event is coming up Thursday.

Living with David is proving to be quite unique. Initially I was unsure if this would work. But finding that it's very easy to talk to him and open up. Come to realize that at times I can be a bit stubborn. But, at the same time, I find that a positive trait when it comes to my will. I don't do anything I don't want to do and finding the power to keep myself honest about that.

...The post is somewhat superficial...guess I'm just in a superficial mood at the moment. Will attempt at a greater presence here.

Pakh out

May...the month after April

Good morning,

How funny life is. Here I am sitting at the eve of my Rolla, Res. Life career and all I can think about is the past. There's so much going on in the future...but suppose that time will come.

This past weekend was the last NACURH I'll ever attend as an undergraduate in Rolla. Graduation is still slated for December. At this conference a "book" was finally finished in a way that I could not have asked for.

It all started in 2004 when I knew change was about to happen. I was going to college. My first time away from Festus and around people so different than I was used to. I experienced things I never thought I would. There were moments of nudity, cursing, laughter, tears, and more. The book was just beginning.

Five years later...I'm awarded the National Distinguished Service Award for NACURH.

Funny, because I had made peace with myself that winning it wouldn't be what mattered. The people and opportunity I've been given to impact and impart myself in others are why I Lived, that's my purpose.

I've a select amount of people I consider true friends and those are why I do what I do. DSA was just the icing on the cake.

(This post could have been better, but my mind is wandering. Will have to make a better attempt soon)

My Time is Up...

The year is nearly over. With this being the last day in April I sit in contemplation and reflection of the years gone by.

Last night I attended my last Residence Hall Association meeting as one who has speaking and voting rights. On Tuesday I attended my last Thomas Jefferson Hall Association meeting, period. Also on Tuesday I attended my last Residential Life "Banquet".

Five years ago, I knew I'd be involved. I knew that what I was beginning as an over-eager freshman would not leave me soon. I knew that I was happy and that I'd grow in whatever I endeavored. I knew that there would be times of great triumph and that my legacy was ever forming.

I did not know that I'd continue to carry on and care for the residents best interests. I did not know that I would many times feel like giving up due to lack of respect or appreciation when it really mattered. I did not know that I would invest so much sweat, patience, tears, conversation and yes, sometimes blood into those that took the time to get to know me in the five years to come.

At times now, I think back at what I've done and wonder how I'll be remembered. Will those that dislike me now take a step back and see my true intentions? Will those that like me now continue to do so? Will those bonds of friendship and family be severed due to petty arguments? Will I be able to maintain and continue into my chosen field of Residential Life at another university's campus? Have I taught anybody about servant leadership, or does it all chalk up to irony?

On the verge of the completion of my Residential Life tenure at Missouri S&T, I do not know the answers to the questions I seek. I do know that I've a summer and a semester left.

This summer I'm to be the Student Union Board Secretary, live off-campus in my new apartment, and seek Fall employment. In the Fall I'm to complete the courses required for graduation, serve as the President of the Beta Nu Chapter of Delta Lambda Phi and serve as the Director for the Student Union Board's Performing and Diversity Arts Committee. Who knows, I might still be involved in the National Residence Hall Honorary and may attend a couple RHAs.

In closing, I'd like to make amends to those that may have been wronged by my doings in my constant search for growth and development. No one's perfect and I certainly have my flaws.

Suppose only time will tell.

Pakh out

Spring is in the Air

Good day,

With the hum of a vacuum and a fresh scent in the air I'm left wondering. Wondering what life will be like in my near future. You see, a lot has happened to me since the last post; as could be expected. Here's a run-down:

Academics:
Organizational Psychology = A (this is with two tests, a homework assignment and part. pts.)
Group Dynamics = B (once the semester ends this will replace a former "F")
Statistics = B (will more than likely have a B at the end of the semester)

I'm all registered for 16 hours in my last semester here at S&T (The last day of classes for the Fall is my 24th birthday)

Since I filed my taxes and filled the FAFSA out on time, I finally have a financial aide package for the first time in 4 years. Also, since I've only one semester left until graduation my aide package is all for the Fall 2009; when normally it would be split between two semesters.

Job:
Working 19 hours per week and saving much more money than I thought I ever would

Didn't get an ACUHO-I internship

Didn't get a position as a Summer Camp Counselor

Looking at a potential job for this summer

Extracurricular:
NRHH President - Doing what I can to make sure we follow our purpose and tenants, also attempting to help with fund raising; though all in all, I don't think I've done anything great in this position. We're inducting four new members into the organization and I already have ideas for who I want to award Bronze Pins to.

TJHA Vice-President - I'm attempting similar actions as NRHH Pres., though I've found that I've a much more difficult advisor. Elections for the E-board are still on-going and I'm afraid the advisor believes us to be failures. Goody

SUB - I've decided to apply for one of two summer positions within the organization and also for a BOD position for the Fall (Performing and Diversity Arts). Interviews are the 21st and 28th. Fun times, wish me luck.

DLP - We went to the Central Regional Conference a few weekends ago and met so many new Brothers. We were also awarded as the host Chapter for the Spring CRC for 2010. I'm on yet another conference staff. I was also just recently elected as the new President.

Apartment:
I'm moving off-campus in May and have lodging in an apartment. I also have in the works to be one of the coolest room-mates. Res. Life has treated me well, and I've benefitted a lot from the teachings, programs, hard-lessons and more. But my time here is done. I've faced too much burnout and resiliency to warrant any more. The way I figure is I'm giving myself a semester off before I commit myself to at least 4 more semesters on after graduation.

Friends:
There are new friends coming at me everyday; however, I find myself desiring some of my "older" friends. There's one in particular that I wish I could just talk to and share, much like we did the summer prior to his departure from Rolla. There are others from Festus that I've discovered a stronger bond, and then some still in Rolla that if only given the opportunity to listen and share could...

Lots of new and exciting things are coming my way as I prepare to say good-bye to some of my most familiar goings and doings. It's scary on one hand, but then encouraging and curious on the other.

My life is shaping up and moving in a new direction. I've not felt as much contentment in uncertainty as this before. While some things are uncertain, others are most definitely not and those that aren't are not in a great way.

Time for me to retire this post and go explore the world that's opening up to me; no matter how weird or unfamiliar a way as it is.