Lovelorn Pt. 2

Well, I'm back. Now what?

After deciding upon and then addressing my five options to be less than sufficient I've decided to keep on the same path as I currently am.

December will be the end of the year and also the end of my undergraduate career; however, I will enroll in a class to maintain student status in the Spring. Attend the Oshkosh Placement Exchange (Student Affairs Career Fair up in Oshkosh, WI) late February/early March in the hopes for a start at a successful career. Leave Rolla late May/early June with a job and graduate school in the wind, and then the rest will be history.

My staying in Rolla is for a number of reasons:

To start, I am the Director for the Performing and Diversity Arts Committee of the Student Union Board. This position is a year-long position and when I was hired the Board knew I was planning to leave in December; however, I know what it's like to come into a position without having the proper training and in handling the already established acts and performances set the semester prior...it's no fun. About time the position had some stability also.

Secondly, my fraternity; Delta Lambda Phi, will be having its Regional Conference on the Missouri S&T campus in the coming Spring. With our current numbership it'll be quite hard to execute a successful conference. The more Brothers, the more likely success will happen.

Thirdly, in my current living arrangement I've signed a lease that grants me living quarters up until May. As I've no guarantee of either employment nor housing after December, staying until May makes the most sense to me.

All of this currently updates to the present, or at the very least, mostly updates to the present. This string of posts is titled "Lovelorn". (A little tidbit; I looked up what was meant by the word...some mght call it a definition.)

It means - unhappy in love; suffering from unrequited love.

You see, I've only ever been in three relationships. Each one lasting: 2 months, 1 month, and 4 months respectively. My last relationship I was hesitant to go into as I was planning on graduating a year from the start of it.

I don't like beginning something with the knowledge that months after beginning a relationship, that very relationship may just be over. But at the same time, as my current room-mate could attest to, I don't like leaving things unfinished. So, it can stand to reason that once I begin a relationship, then it must be ended to be complete.

This is a bit unsettling to me. Seems that I'll need to change my way of thinking.

One thing that I can say, is it's not for a lack of trying. I'm definitely interested in people; however, as I adopt more of a "more talk, less action" stand-point. This though gets me in a bit of trouble if I'm around the wrong crowd when I'm so vocal.

Just can't win.


Wow, football can be a bit homoerotic.

Pakh out

Lovelorn

Greetings and salutations,

Today I find myself sitting by my window observing the gentle sway of the leaves in the breeze. There's a ticking from the ceiling fan and it reminds me of a metronome. The smell of water on the wind enters through the window screen and I'm moved by the scent.

Today I find myself.

So often recently have I posited what's to be my future. In May I was given an award meant to commemorate all of my involvement, care, and legacy within the Residence Halls. Yesterday when a dear friend of mine came to visit I found myself admitting something never spoken before.

My future as I hope it turns out will find me once again within the Residence Halls. I want to impact and impart. I want to lead, and I want to do my best to "benefit" the future of the world by adding perspective and asking those hard to answer questions. Maybe this is because I've found my niche or perhaps it's just a selfish way for me to get my viewpoint instilled in others. Or then maybe this is because I want to help broaden my own perspective and adapt with culture, society, and time... Even then, perhaps it's a mixture of the three.

In May I was awarded the National Distinguished Service Award. It felt great. I stood up, still a bit in awe, started walking down the stairs, hoping that I'd not fall in front of the entirety of NACURH. I felt on top of the world. Afterward I carries my trophies to the room loaned to me for the duration of the conference; in the back corner of some random hall, right next door to the women's restroom...and I was alone.

Just goes to show, you can pour your heart and soul in doing what you love and then reach the pinnacle of recognition; but then in the end find yourself alone next to the women's restroom.

This summer, as lame as it was, prompted me to think ever so more about my future. None of my class are still around, and if they are...they're in graduate school. I'm the lone duck in a crowd of ducklings.

In my thinking I decided upon 5 options for after graduation in December:

1. Apply for an ACUHO-I internship (housing professionals internship)
2. Apply for a Disney internship through the College Program
3. Apply for graduate school for the semester until beginning a career after OPE in March
4. Apply to be a mid-year hire for some program unfortunate enough to loose a Resident Director
5. Be a bum (for a semester)

Addressing (2) I applied and was rejected.
Addressing (1) After failing at (2) decided that I didn't need anything else to add to my already two-page resume.
Addressing (3) I want to go to grad school for free and that won't happen until I have a graduate assistant position.
Addressing (4) I'm the SUB Director for Performing and Diversity Arts and have picked up work that was done previous to me...it's challenging. Can only imagine what it'd be like to pick up work left by a former Resident Director...not to mention the lack of training I'd be able to receive.
Addressing (5) Ha...not sure I can sanely be a bum.

....Been asked to "wrap this mood up and get going"...will come back after STL.

Pakh out